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  1. #1
    3 Star Lounger
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    This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!



    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
    Customer: A white one...
    Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?


    ****************************

    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
    try, it says 'Can't find printer'.

    I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the
    computer still says he can't find it..


    ****************************

    Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


    ****************************
    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
    Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
    Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer: OK
    Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Tech support: That mean s the keyboard is not plugged in.


    ****************************
    Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five dots.


    ****************************
    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..


    ****************************
    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
    computer,

    but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


    ****************************
    Tech support: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first email.
    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
    little circle around it?


    ****************************


    This one and the next are our personal favorites!


    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

    Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
    Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
    man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is
    working fine.'


    ****************************
    And last but not least!


    Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same
    time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
    letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
    Customer: I don't have a P.
    Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
    Customer: What do you mean?
    Tech support: 'P'....on your keyboard, Bob.
    Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

  2. #2
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    lolol; you forgot the one about the "any" key.


  3. #3
    Silver Lounger RolandJS's Avatar
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    "Hi! Why is my twin computer upstairs a little slower than its twin downstairs?"
    "Well, you know, electricity takes a tiny bit longer to go uphill."
    "Take care of thy backups and thy restores shall take care of thee." Ben Franklin revisited.
    http://collegecafe.fr.yuku.com/forum...-Technologies/
    Backup, backup, backup! -- Lady Fitzgerald (sevenforums)
    Clone or Image often! Backup, backup, backup, backup... -- RockE (Windows Secrets Lounge)

  4. #4
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    ...and let's not talk about the user who thought his CDROM drive was a pop-out cup holder...

  5. #5
    Gold Lounger wavy's Avatar
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    supervisor or stuporvisor?

    ...and let's not talk about the user who thought his CDROM drive was a pop-out cup holder...
    Or my supervisor who thought his 5" floppy drive was his CD drive... Ooops to late
    David

    Just because you don't know where you are going doesn't mean any road will get you there.

  6. #6
    WS Lounge VIP Coochin's Avatar
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    Mujibar

    Mujibar is a recent immigrant to Australia from Northern India.

    He applies for a job as a support operator with Telstra Bigpond (Australia's largest ISP).

    During Mujibar's job interview he is asked to state, in one sentence, how he would respond to a Support call, using the colours Green, Pink, and Yellow.

    Mujibar thinks about this for a minute or two, then says "the telephone goes Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and say 'Yellow, this is Mujibar'".

    Mujibar is now an operator with Telstra Bigpond Support (unfortunately).
    Computer Consultant/Technician since 1998 (first PC was Atari 1040STE in 1988).
    Most common computing error is EBKAC: Error Between Keyboard And Chairback
    Confuscius said: "no use running harder if you're on the wrong road" and "any problem once correctly understood is already half-solved".

  7. #7
    WS Lounge VIP access-mdb's Avatar
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    What would your reply be Coochin?

  8. #8
    4 Star Lounger
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    Quote Originally Posted by lylejk View Post
    lolol; you forgot the one about the "any" key.

    You can get one now.

  9. #9
    WS Lounge VIP Coochin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by access-mdb View Post
    What would your reply be Coochin?
    I would reply "what have the colours Green, Pink, and Yellow have to do with the customer's Internet or email connections?".

    By way of explanation, too often I have attended Bigpond customers who had tried to resolve their connection problem by phoning Bigpond's technical "Support" only to be confronted by an "operator" who was obviously reading from a script that did not take account of any problem not included in the script, with the added problem of the operator's very strong Indian accent.
    Computer Consultant/Technician since 1998 (first PC was Atari 1040STE in 1988).
    Most common computing error is EBKAC: Error Between Keyboard And Chairback
    Confuscius said: "no use running harder if you're on the wrong road" and "any problem once correctly understood is already half-solved".

  10. #10
    Silver Lounger lumpy95's Avatar
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    By way of explanation, too often I have attended Bigpond customers who had tried to resolve their connection problem by phoning Bigpond's technical "Support" only to be confronted by an "operator" who was obviously reading from a script that did not take account of any problem not included in the script, with the added problem of the operator's very strong Indian accent.
    Another example of how small the world is Coochin, sounds just like the support in the US.

  11. #11
    4 Star Lounger
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    And 95% of customer support in the U.S. comes from India.

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