I finally managed to persuade my partner to move from his Win 3.1 machine into the new century. The beeping from the motherboard finally did the trick (is that a record for use? btw? - it was bought in 1991)
He loves the new machine, but hates the speed of the Hearts game. He claims that each player presents their card too quickly.
Is there a way to slow it down? The old 386 used to have a turbo button for this purpose.